Before I start it’s probably worth pointing out I have literally never used Tinder. Or any dating app for that matter. I’ve had the odd flick through on other people’s accounts – with their permission! – but as far as dating apps go I’m pretty fucking clueless.
(This isn’t some weird brag. I have been single in the Tinder age, it’s just I’m pretty sure the blackberry curve I was rocking in 2013 didn’t support the swipe function.)*
Anyway, this is relevant I promise. Because, after months of insisting I was doing just fine on my own, I finally realised I could do with a little more mum interaction in my life and so, reluctantly, I joined not one but two mum-dating apps. The problem? I literally have no idea what I’m doing. Here are three things I’ve learnt so far…
- Writing a bio is so hard. How much do you include? ‘Connie, 27, first time mum’ is a bit sparse but ‘Connie, 27, first time mum to baby A, currently on maternity leave and looking for literally any adult company in the day time as an excuse to sit in the pub, drink too much and scroll through Instagram in peace, occasionally looking across the table to smugly reaffirm our mum-friend status’ probably won’t get me far…
- I’m far too picky. I’m not sure it’s wise to admit this but hey ho. I literally swipe down at the tiniest things. Kids not the same age? Nope. Lives in Clapham? God no. Chose the ‘Spiritual Gangster’ tag? Absolutely not. I was genuinely beginning to wonder how I have any friends before I reminded myself that I met my friends through shared experiences not a bloody difficult to write online profile and I should stop being such a dick and give these women a chance. And then went back to swiping down.
- There is nothing more awkward than starting an online conversation with a stranger. I don’t even know where to start. I regularly click and look at my matches (5, if you were wondering) safe in the knowledge that neither of us will ever take this further. But hey, at least we gave it a go.
*Having read this again I’m pretty sure this was just a weird brag. Sorry.